Dear Fisher Price,
As one of the leaders in the toy and baby gear industry, I would’ve thought that you were, well, a Mom. I mean, I’m not dumb…I understand that there really is no “YOU”, and that Fisher Price is a team of creative individuals and masterminds. But I am pretty sure, that amongst those groups of masterminds, there are no Moms.
One of my must-haves for a Mom-to-be was a swing for my new baby. When I looked at all of the options out there, I think my head was rocking harder than any swing ever would. There were big swings and little swings, rocking swings and wiggly swings. Swings that swung one way, swings that swung another way and swings that swung to their own beat.
I saw your bold and familiar brand, Fisher Price, make a dashing appearance amongst all of the other swings. The rest were wanna-be’s, I figured. You, Fisher Price have been a trusted brand and household name for decades. I wanted the best for my baby.
So I chose you, Fisher Price, the best brand. Or so I thought….until I realized that you, Fisher Price are clearly, not a Mom.
I shelled out the big bucks for your Snug-A-Bunny swing. It was on the high end of the price wagon of swings. Most swings were moderately priced around $50-$75 or so. But my Snug-A-Bunny swing topped out at almost $200.
It was worth it, or so I thought…until I realized that you, Fisher Price are clearly, not a Mom.
After some lengthy, but not torturous assembly was done, your swing lay pristine in my bedroom. I pressed the buttons on top to check out my options. To my distaste, most of them did not offer any consoling noises what-so-ever for my little one. This is what we got.
Whale sounds (Because that’s normal)
Birds chirping (Annoying)
White noise attempt (Getting closer)
A morose lullaby (Creeped me out)
and then rain drops (The only one we like)
Okay, so out of 5 sound options, we only liked one. But hey, one is better than none, right? So I rolled with it. But after 15 minutes of continuous sound, it CUT off. It didn’t just fade out slowly, it abruptly cut off.
La la la la la la…drip..drip…drip……CUT. SILENCE.
Do you know what that does to a sleeping baby? Well, if you don’t know, I’ll tell you. It WAKES THEM UP!
Now if it were easy to re-start the sound before it cut off, that would be a little more sensical. But no, Fisher Price. When you press on the button to restart the sound, it not only gives off a “clicking sound” sensitive to little baby’s ears, but you have to go through two other different sounds before returning to your comforting rain drops.
By this point, I have irritated my light sleeper, and all bets are off . Now, if you were a Mom, Fisher Price, then those melodies would play continuously for as long as your big heart (and your baby’s little heart) desired. It only makes sense, to a Mom.
Secondly, not only do your melodies cut off, so does your swing. After 4 hours, your swing decides that it’s done swinging. “Smart Swing Technology” I was told. Why, that doesn’t sound very smart to me at all. Now, I know, I know…some may ask, “Why does the swing need to run more than 4 hours??”
Well, If you were a Mom, Fisher Price, then you would understand.
Moms need sleep, Fisher Price. Now, we know that putting your baby to sleep in a swing at night is not recommended, and I’m not advocating that all Moms out do it. We know that the baby should always be supervised while in the swing.
Also some people even argue that sleeping in a swing could increase the rate of SIDS. (I whole-heartedly disagree). But The truth of it is, Fisher Price, that many Moms put their babies in the only place where they will sleep at night, and that is in a swing, right next to their beds. But NOW, with your “Smart Swing Technology” you have just limited both of our sleep sessions to 4 hours at night. So, thank you, Fisher Price. Thank you for the sweet dreams. Now, when your technology fails us at night and your swing turns off, I try to turn it quickly back on after we are both awoken by the somber stillness.
Have you ever gotten a mysterious item stuck in your vacuum, Fisher Price? Well, the sound it makes clunking and struggling its way through the vacuum’s chambers….yeah, your swing sounds like that. The first 4 or 5 back-and-forths of the swing are incredibly loud and obnoxious. Almost to the point where your first instinct it to turn it off immediately because it sounds like something has gone, horribly, terribly wrong.
Now, I was troubled by this, and I asked about the loud motor and was given this response by a Fisher Price representative.
“The motor may start a wee bit louder but will quiet down once the rhythm of the swing is set.”A WEE bit louder? For a child who you’re trying to get to go back to sleep quickly…this WEE bit of loudness might as well be equivalent to a category 5 hurricane. My baby almost always became startled by the noise and got increasingly upset every time.
So, Fisher Price, I’m sorry to break this all to you like this, but it’s clear that your swing has not only upset me and my baby, but also many Moms alike everywhere.
Don’t worry, I don’t hate you, Fisher Price. I mean, it all makes sense to me now. It all comes down to one thing. One thing that can’t be replicated or duplicated. One thing that connects the dots. One thing that trumps all design logic.
You’re just CLEARLY, not a Mom.