Of course I thought of breastfeeding. I’m sure every Mom ponders the idea at one point through her pregnancy.
It’s an A or B topic in your head.
A – You feed your child from your body.
B – You give your child formula.
The choice was mine, or so I thought.
It was 3:14am on a hot summer night and my baby girl entered her way into this big, scary world. Doctors placed her on my chest and I looked down at her with such intense, glowing love in my heart.
Then she pooped.
Then I went back to looking back down at her with such intense, glowing love in my heart again.
She was bloody, slimy, puffy and swollen…but she was my gal. My prize. My beautiful child that I gave life to. Oh, and my husband too. He gave life to her too.
But back to me.
I was more important right now, right in this moment.
All of you Moms will understand.
Before I could even soak in the moment, my tiny girl started fidgeting.
“Wow, she already can’t sit still?”I thought.
She just fought her way through my super narrow lady tunnel. You would think she’d be a little exhausted!
I soon realized that she wasn’t fidgeting at all. She was searching. Searching for something good. Searching for the only thing she ever knew with certainty in her brief two minutes of life.
She was searching for my nipple.
How did she know?
“Instinct” everyone says. But what IS instinct? Where does it come from? How does it develop?
Instinct is difficult to trust. It is not something you can see, you can measure, you can study. We, as humans, don’t like this. We don’t like things we can’t see and measure.
She kept squirming.
She squirmed and squirmed until she made it to her destination; Nipple Island. Population: 2.
It didn’t take me long to realize that she booked a one-way ticket way before she ever entered our world, and she was visiting for good.
She latched right on with her minuscule mouth, sucking away with everything she had.
Just two minutes ago, she wasn’t even breathing air. She was still inside my body. Now, she was a living, breathing, sucking fledgling.
Life is incredible.
But what was even more incredible was this midnight snack. This snack that my newborn chose all on her own.
Her very first decision. Her very first desire.
Soon I realized, the decision to breastfeed wasn’t my choice. It wasn’t my choice at all.
It was my child’s.
And that was the way it would stay.
Thanks for letting me into your world awhile,
NATURALLY NICOLE XO